And One for Spirit Animals
First, we switched hostels. Cuddling with my William was great and all (blegh), but we like our separate beds. Remember the whole “Will is like a territorial badger” thing? Yeah. Don’t piss off badgers (Will was long asleep by the time I got home, so I just kinda crawled into his badger den and he was none the wiser).
For breakfast, we had Wok to Walk (SURPRISE!). Yeah, that’s right, fuckin’ Wok to Walk. You know you’re jealous. I would be too, if I were in your position (hint: it’s a position that lacks Wok to Walk, which is SOOOO GOOD).
Today, we decided to go hunting for a sword for me. We first went to a flea market that I had heard of. I saw one really nice looking sword. I started to unsheathe it about two inches, just to look at the blade, and the dude started freaking out, going on about how it was dangerous, it would scare everyone, and I would probably murder the entire flea market. I moved away from everyone and took out the sword. It was blunt. I don’t mean like blunt from use, I mean FLAT. There is more of an edge on a butter knife. It had like…a quarter-inch flat surface where the blade should have been. It was not meant for combat. Ever. I would have an easier time murdering the flea market with my titanium fold-up spork.
We then tried an antique store that Will had found on the interwebs. It was more than a store. It was a hub-market of like, tons of antique stores (probably between 10 and 20). We actually found some pretty sweet blades. There were two stores that had swords, but there was one I really liked. It was from India, pretty old (waiting to hear the actual age from the owner, but it’s pre-1900). It’s made of this crazy steel called Danast. It’s supposed to be super strong, and it has these cool patterns in the blade from how the metal is worked. It’s a long sword, mainly a thrusting weapon, but it has some thickness to it. Tormented guard. If I had to murder a flea market, I would greatly prefer this weapon. However, that’s only if I had to murder a flea market. I don’t think I need to.
I bought it. It was way cheaper than I expected. Oh, you want a picture of it? Sorry, I got too excited and totally forgot. Here’s a picture of the dog that worked at the store. She was very helpful.
What items do you seek, noble Sir?
The store wasn’t willing to ship my blade. They said that even though it’s totally legal, they didn’t want to go through the hassle. We took it to a nearby post outlet, and they said they wouldn’t ship it because it was longer than 1m (it was like 1.01m, we measured it later). The lady at the outlet gave us directions to DHL.
Fail. The next thing we knew, we were in the middle of nowhere at some industrial shipping depot. It was not a place for customers looking to ship a parcel. We got on a bus that took us to some random-ass train station. There, we found another bus to take us back to Amsterdam.
For dinner, Will and I went to an Italian place. At first, they wouldn’t give us tap water. Will had some pepperoni and onion pizza thing. I had a pizza and tagliatelli al burro. I’ve been looking for a good butter sauce the entire trip, so this was the culmination of my epic quest. At one point, the bartender came by and said, “I’m not supposed to do this, but here.” He gave us tap water! Then, when Will ordered dessert, he asked us if we wanted a drink on the house. Free beer! We gave him an epic tip.
After that, I went on a pub crawl. I decided to do it Joe-style. I found that perfect point where all you want to do is dance and look at colorful strobe lights. Everything else is secondary. I kept getting confused when people would talk to me. I took blog notes because I knew I’d forget everything, so I’ll just transcribe my notes verbatim:
“Netherdutchland:
Ok so I met rhianon and leandra from ausssie and they helpd meget a drink$$
Thebb I met mary and anne from Denmark and they were cool. Anne liked toi dance
Then I met crazy british animal hippie chick??
Then I met Natalie something from england who was a fucking dance hurricane of broiken glasses and mary cra-eziness.
“Oh hay I’m supposed to tell people I have a voyfriend and stuff but I dunnio”
Oh but first I met nice dude from chile
Oh and the israeli”
British animal hippie chick (??) spoke in such strong cockney that she sounded like Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady when she is an urchin. She actually said, “it’s more harder, i’n’t it?” It was impressive.
Natalie was crazy. She was dragging me around and kicking glasses on the floor. There was broken glass everywhere. She reminded me a lot of my friend Mary. I had no idea what was going on. I just wanted to dance. I got really confused when she started saying that her friends insist she inform everyone she has a boyfriend. I was just dancing off by myself, Joe-ing it up.
I met some dude from Chile and another guy from Israel. They were funny, but I was really focused on my attempt at being Joe.
Will’s Corner
I am a sword-finding genius. Sword-finder of a generation.
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Dear Joe,
Andy: I tried to be like you. I couldn’t handle the awesome, but the taste…the mere taste of it was unforgettable. You are my hero.
Will: You did it, B!
Love,
Will and Andy
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