And One for Guns. Big Guns. Yeaaaah.

And One for Guns.  Big Guns.  Yeaaaah.

            So, you may have noticed that we’ve had guns on the brain lately.  Give us a break, we’re Americans.  And guys.  It’s what we do.  Anyways, Will was standing in the common room of the hostel doing god-knows-what (I’m assuming photosynthesizing), and I noticed a sign that said “DO YOU WANT TO SHOOT AN AK-47?!  (blah blah blah info).”  This happened:

Me:  Will, get over here.

Will:  Later.

Me:  No, Will, it’s important.  Get over here now.

Will:  Hold on.

Me:  Goddamnit, this is more important than anything you are doing.  Just come here.

Will:  Fine, what is it?  Oh, fuck, YES.

Me:  RIGHT?!

            This was all the discussion we needed.  We had decided what we were doing for the day.  We got directions and a ticket from the hostel’s reception, and we headed out.  We got on the tram.

            Will and I each had a bus/tram/subway ticket leftover from yesterday, so we didn’t have to buy new ones.  I had heard from someone who lives in Budapest that no one stamps their ticket on the tram.  As we got on, I carefully watched everyone.  Not a single person validated their ticket.  After both hearing and confirming that this was the norm, we didn’t stamp ours.  Within five minutes of being on the tram, the tram security comes up and asks to see our tickets.  Since we had perfectly good tickets, we produced them.  He told us we had to get off the tram.

            We got off, and he called over his supervisor.  They explained that because we had not validated our tickets, we were being charged 6,000 Hungarian Forints…each.  That’s about 23 Euros.  We said that we hadn’t seen anyone stamping their ticket, and we had perfectly good tickets…so we weren’t sure what the problem was.  We were happy to stamp them, or even buy another.  They still insisted on fining us.  Fucking bullshit.  We had tickets.  Fucking A.

            Thankfully, the day got better.  We made it to the firing range.  It was in an old Soviet underground bunker.  Check this shit out.

            Our instructor/supervisor was awesome.  He was this ancient Hungarian man with a few teeth missing.  He spoke no English.  At all.  He did everything in absolute silence.  When my accuracy on the 0.22 was kind of off, he put up two fingers (like a peace sign) in one hand, and one finger on the other.  Then, he showed me using these fingers how to line up my sights better.  He also shrugged and grinned a lot.  Not a word was said between us. 

            It was Will’s first time shooting pistols, but it was my first time firing a gun.  Ever.  I had no idea what to expect. 

            We confirmed that I am American.  It was awesome.  We fired a shit-load of guns, seven to be exact.  Here were our accuracies with each gun, in the order fired:

Firearm	Andy (% Accuracy / shots fired)	Will (% Accuracy / shots fired)
Colt .22 LR	43.8% / 16	100% / 16
Glock-17 Para	44.4% / 9	100% / 9
.357 Magnum	33.3% / 6	50% / 6
Remington 870 (shotgun)	50% / 4	0% / 4
Scorpion 9mm (SMG)	10% / 10	100% / 10
.44 Magnum	0% / 3	100% / 3
AK-47 (assault rifle)	100% / 8	0% / 8

            This is a close-up of what we were shooting at (except for the shotgun, which used metal targets or a normal bullseye of about the same size.  I shot at the former, Will shot at the latter.).  The thing was actually downrange.

            First, I think I did pretty all right for my first time shooting any kind of firearm ever.  Second, let me tell you about these.  The .22 Colt is a standard pistol.  It was fairly small, pretty light, and didn’t have much kick.  You could fire pretty fast with it.  The Glock-17 had a lot more kick and weighed a bit more.  I was totally taken aback by how much this thing recoiled.  Again, you could fire it pretty quickly if you so desired.  The .357 magnum had a lot of kick.  It was like firing a small hurricane at the target.  You felt the force of it if you were standing behind the person shooting.  It was pretty nuts.

            Then, we switched to the shotgun.  Will was going for the bullseye.  He didn’t hit it, but he decimated the bottom of the paper.  I decided to go for the metal things.  I missed my first shot, but then I took down two of the metal things in a row before Will realized I wasn’t wearing goggles.  I had to put the shotgun down to put them on, and that fucked with my aim.  I missed the last shot.  It was like firing an elephant.  You had to brace for it.  It was awesome.

            Then, we got to play with the special weapons.  First, we fired the Scorpion 9mm sub-machine gun (SMG).  This could be fired automatic or semi-automatic.  We were supposed to fire it semi-auto.  Will did a two-round burst sneakily.  I hated this gun.  I used the brace like you were “supposed to,” which meant that I couldn’t see what the fuck I was aiming at.  It sucked.  Will used it “improperly,” AKA the method that renders it effective instead of terrible.  Then, we fired the .44 magnum.  If the .357 was like a small hurricane, the .44 was like the fist of God.  You felt like you were God just…punching shit.  When you fired, the recoil took the gun so high that your arms were almost straight up.

            Then, we got to play with my favorite gun: the AK-47.  I…really like rifles.  I’ve discovered this.  The assault type appears to agree with me.  Will and I left the place saying, “We’re buying guns.  It’s settled.”  Will then looked up the kind that I’m getting, a Remington 700.  It’s a hunting rifle, but I don’t hunt.  I just want to decimate soda cans…at a distance.  Will still needs to do his own research.  He seemed to really get along with pistols.

            Oh, by the way, BEHOLD THE GUNS:

 Me with .44 Magnum

 Will with .44 Magnum

 Me with AK-47

Will with Scorpion.  Yeah, I got it firing. 

            We then went back to the hostel.  We went to go buy food for dinner from the supermarket (we spent all of our money on bullets).  We got some pasta and some tomato sauce.  We STILL can’t find peanut butter, but we found canned Jim Beam and cola.  Fucking Europe.

            We got back to the hostel, talked with our Kiwi roommates, and cooked dinner.  It was tasty.  Beau (that dude from California from the other night) had met up with some people going to the same Romanian archaeological dig as he, and we chatted with his friends for a bit.  We’re hoping to meet up with them again in Romania.  Now we’re going to watch some Band of Brothers (maybe some South Park) and go to sleep.

Will’s Corner

            Well, the shotgun and the AK may have failed me, but at least the other guns still love me. I shall have my revenge!

Also, the beds here are reeeally comfy.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Joe,

            We would blast you with a .44 caliber bullet of pure love.  You are a gun that fires only awesomeness.

Love,

Will and Andy